One by one I reached up, pulling the white dishes down from the cupboard, wrapping them in paper and placing them in the boxes. Welling up inside of my chest an emotional tidal wave knocked me to the floor brinigng a flood of tears. In the middle of the kitchen, on the cold wood floors I sat crying. My husband looks over at my sad state and I utter, “I am going to miss my fridge.”
In the last week I have cried tears over my fridge and washer and dryer. You may think it’s silly, but it is the loss of nice things-letting go of possessions that you may never own again. And in this battle over leaving my beloved fridge the Lord has met me in those intimate moments with grace and truth.
Selling my house and moving has revealed so much of what lives in the hidden places of my heart. Selling my house has revealed my fight for comfortable in this world. Sifting through all my STUFF and sorting through my boxes reveals my heart’s dependency on things of this world to satisfy my soul. Moving has become refiners fire of my soul that is revealing my sinful heart in desperate need of a Savior.
After a week of anxiety, tears, and roller coaster emotions, I sat with my little green Bible, soaking up His Truth. And in one verse He spoke….
“but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Mark 4:19
I cried out, “Lord, I don’t want to be like this.” I don’t want to be the seed among the thorns. If I would have read this prior to packing up and moving I know I would have skimmed over this verse quickly. But in current life situations I silently sat and reread that one verse. In that moment, I had fear, fear that I was becoming the seed among the thorns, worried about life and the pursuit of things to satisfy my soul. I don’t believe a home, nice cars or having stuff is wrong. But it’s when we idolize, love and pursue them more than Christ that we are in sin. When we get comfortable here on Earth and look to the lure of things to satisfy our lives we have to repent and ask the Lord to renew our hearts and minds.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Shortly after I was in Mark , I quickly flipped to Luke 10:27-28 and jotted in my journal,
The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”[a]
“Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”
YES LORD! I prayed over this and asked that the Lord replace my love of my fridge and my cute home with love for Him. I want Christ to be my first love and love Him with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind…because that brings forth true life.
This morning as I reflected on my last morning in my home I shed a few tears of sadness, but I chose to thank the Lord. I thanked Him of His rich blessings for everything I temporarily own on this earth. I thanked Him for blessing Branden and I and giving us a beautiful fridge . And then I thanked him for moving us, for using this experience to draw me closer into Him and showing me how desperately I need Him on this earth.
“You alone, are better than life and anything in this world. You alone, are all I want.”-Hillsong