I signed up to give away a night of sleep, and instead be in the presence of God praying from 12am-6am. The thought that I was actually doing this made me laugh because as much as I love prayer, I love my sleep.
I wasn’t going to sign up to go but the Spirit kept prompting me so much that I couldn’t escape it anymore. I needed to be in that room at church, on that night, with women praying through the night.
He is worth giving up my sleep.
I walked into the room weary, defeated, exhausted, but yet, expectant.
Weak and discouraged I came.
Life was sitting heavy upon my shoulders and the waves of grief drowning my soul were all consuming.
The hope I preach to myself everyday seemed to have faded that week prior and hopelessness filled my heart.
That night I came believing in hope like Abraham,
Against all hope, Abraham IN HOPE believed. (Romans 4:18)
In our “living room” circles we were handed a name of God. This would be our prophetic name that was prayed over and delivered to us that night. Secretly I prayed, I wanted the God who heals.
The cards come around and I am handed, The God Who Sees Me.
We were to sit in our group, pray and read the scriptures silently, asking and listening to the Spirit.
I sat there stumped and in a bit of anger.
First angry I didn’t get the card I wanted and second, I was mad at this name I received… mad that God has seen me and seen all the suffering and pain I have endured.
Over the next hour we continued to pray over, discuss and share the names of God we had received.
This group of women was transparent, pouring our broken souls before one another.
We then broke off into groups of two and we prayed for each other.
As Erin is praying over the name of God I received, the Spirit begin stirring and speaking to my soul– then it clicked.
Pieces of the puzzle began forming.
See, I was thinking I was coming to the prayer night to get “filled up” and to get more strength to keep walking this journey of defeat and sorrow. That after the prayer night was over I would walk out the doors, back into the trajectory of suffering, but with more strength to endure. The night before the prayer night, I had a moment where God clearly spoke and revealed to me the poor vision I have for my life. I have been walking in defeat, suffering and lacking vision for my life as God has for me. He asked me to not come into the prayer night to be “filled up” with more strength to endure these suffering…. rather, come with expectancy that God IS and LONGS to bring a new season of victory over my life because he is FOR me. He longs to do NEW things.
It was that night before the prayer night, where the haze began to lift and it became so clear, that God is FOR me, He has a different vision for me, one of joy, beauty, delight, and love. He SEES something that I can’t see for myself quite yet.
He is a God who sees me.
Oh the God who sees victory for me
who sees healing
and miracles for me
The God who sees the abundant life at hand for me
He sees the new things that he is about to do.
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? (Isaiah 43:19)
The card with the name of God I quickly rejected, became the card that brought life and hope.
We then had an extended time of impossible prayers.
Where we approached Him who is able with our heart’s requests, longings, and groans.
Hearts abandoned and with faith as a mustard seed, we laid the impossible before the God who does the impossible.
He renews our hopes and heals our bodies. (Psalm 147:3)
You may ask anything in my name, and I will do it. ( John 14:14)
6:oo am quickly dawned and I couldn’t believe the night of prayer was already over.
I was so thankful I gave up sleep to be with this church family, these ladies in prayer. 10 ladies, bonded. All through the night hours we sang our hearts out, received a word, poured our stories before one another, shed tears, listened to the Spirit speak to our souls, and boldly brought our impossible prayers before the God who does the impossible! Never thought I would ever give up a nights sleep to pray through the night, but I would do it again in a second. We follow a God who hears our prayers and lavishes his love upon us.
For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever.
Praise the Lord! (psalm 117:2)